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May 2016

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queen millennia

This might be the first time I actually write something personal in here that has nothing to do with fanart, fanfiction, any fictional character I currently obsess over, video-games or anything else fun-related.

I've been thinking this over for quite some time now and it pisses me of a lot. But to clear things up first: I am single, I've been single for a long time now and if I don't meet a guy who manages to literally sweep me off my feet then I plan on remaining single. No more half hearted tries at having a relationship with guys I only like but don't feel anything more for just because THEY want to have a relationship. Since in past times these men always turned out to be horribly dependent and incredibly demanding in that I center my whole life around them now that we are 'together'. Well thank you, but no! I won't give up my freedom for someone I just met and barely know. Like I said, I had to fall head over heels for someone to allow that.

Anyhow so why is it, that in our society a man who is at the age of 30 still single is considered independent and self-sufficient while a woman who is 30 and still single is considered somewhat of a loser and too dumb/unattractive to catch herself a man. Fuck you, that's more than a little unfair! Not every girl's dreams revolve about marriage and having children. It annoys the fuck out of me every single time I meet up with some old friend and they keep shoving the fact in my face that they've been OMG married for like 4 years now and are pregnant with their 2nd child and are now building a house for their lovely family. Well how nice for you but did you ever stop to think that maybe that's not what I want?? That no I am not even slightly envious of you and your picture book life and that every time I think about you I realize that I wouldn't want to switch places with you. Even though I want to have children sometime I really can't see myself leading such a 'normal' life.

Uhm and something else because that was something that really unsettled me yesterday. I wasn't really being serious about the lesbian thing I was mostly joking around. Still sometime during the evening I kinda felt as though I was being talked out of something (that I wasn't ever into to begin with but that's not the matter here) and that was weird. Because it made me think what if I had been serious?